Confusion...

So, L asked K if he and I were together today and he said he thought we were. Well, when I asked him if I could change my facebook status he said to wait until he can talk to me tomorrow. I am sort of worried to what he will say. I like him, and I don't want him decide he doesn't like me.

He's spent the night a few times, though the last two nights he's come over to hang out he's gone home. Which isn't that bad, I like not being afraid of waking someone up when I am getting ready for work. That and I don't want someone to be around when my son is here.

I just like to keep those things separate. I don't know why, well yeah I do. I don't want my son to get really attached to anyone and for him to leave. That and I don't want to parade men in front of him. I don't want that for him. So, I am trying to keep them separate. Though, the other day he came over when my son was awake and for some reason it really bothered me. Even though he gave him a little car toy. I just don't.... sigh. I don't really know exactly why it bothers me so much.

Anyhow, so yeah. We'll see what tomorrow holds for me. I haven't been sticking to my diet that much. Though, I still weigh the same so I haven't been gaining. Tomorrow I work, so hopefully I can resist the fries. (LOL)

Life

So he came over we watched movies all night, and it would have gone somewhere so totally happy had it not been a certain week. Sad...oh well, three more days! haha

I went to visit him at work and he gave me a huge hug and a long kiss. It was nice. I am so happy!

I can't get over it.

Anyhow, I don't know what I think of the banner I made. I might shrink it. Hmmm.... any thoughts?

Tomorrow

I am excited for tomorrow he is going to come over and hang out with me. :) I can't stop smiling. I was so happy today. N my manager was like, "Okay tone it down cheerleader barbie!" haha It was so awesome.

I am happy. Cleaning my house though because I have to have a reinspection. What the f ever. Anyhow. Will write more later.

Happy and Sad

I feel like I have been a terrible mom lately. I have been leaving my son with my mother a lot, and then I work a lot so I have been taking him to daycare. I just hope that he doesn't feel like I am being a terrible mom. I mean, we have been spending time together, but I have been so busy doing everything else that I feel like I never see him.

Good news though, I got K's number today, and he has mine. He hugged me, twice! *Girly Squeal!* I have never been this giddy over a guy. Well, yeah I have. Though, he didn't really like me back. I am just sort of sad because I have liked T for a long long time and I am giving up on that. He doesn't seem interested, I mean three years of me being ready and available for him. Obviously he's not interested.

I need to clean my house for the inspection by Wednesday. My mom will have my son tomorrow after work, so I will get a lot done in that time. I might finally get my grant sometime soon. Which is really really awesome.

Anyhow, I need to get back to work. I will post more later.

I haz a happee!

K likes me! K likes me!!! *Happy Dance* To N (a night manager) said to me today, "I heard you have a crush on someone." I turned tomato shade and was all stuttery and then I was like "Don't tell him." He was like, "He likes you back."

I can fall asleep happy.

Great News!!!

So my father doesn't have to get his leg cut off! I am so excited. It made yesterday that much better. It was a really good day. Though my son behaved really bad!

So there is this guy R who my cousin J tried to set me up with. First off, I hate when people try to set me up. I hate that more than anything. I am single, and for the most part happy with that. He is really obnoxious though because he wants to come over and hang out. I don't like to introduce my friends or the guys I date to my son because I don't like for him to get super attached to people who are going to leave. So anyhow, he is always asking to hang out.

I am a very busy person. I have a balance in my life that I don't want to change right now. I have my friends that are already in my life and I am happy with them. They adore my son, and they are people who I know aren't going to leave. Mainly because they are also my family.

I also have presented another man with my heart, and he hasn't decided if he wants it yet. Though, I can understand the things that are holding him back. He doesn't like kids, and I have one. Everyone says I am foolish to fall for someone like that, but honestly it would be nice to get with a guy who doesn't have kids. A guy who didn't expect me to have his kids.

I am young enough that it should be okay that I don't want a man to come in and ruin the balance of my life. I've had my heart broken enough that I really don't need anymore until I am in a place where I can adequately deal with it.

More later, I must get back to my school work.

What A Beautiful Crisp Autumn Day!

My son let me sleep in today, then he crawled into my bed and we laid there for a long time. He is trying to learn how to say the parts of the face. He has eyes down really well, but he said eees for ears. Then mouth and nose I only know that those are the words because he points to what he is talking about when he says it.

Its been a very lazy Wednesday. I cleaned the living room, without much help from my little bug. I told him he could have the television back on if he helped me clean the toys up. He put three crayons back in the box and sat on the couch laughing at me. Then he wanted to help vacuum but ran away every time I turned it on. He likes to be chased with it.

This new diet I am on, for the first two days you are supposed to eat a lot of really bad food, I don't know why. It could be so that your body goes into shock or something and lets you lose a lot of weight fast. I am finding it difficult to eat bad food, knowing that I am eating bad food on purpose. Though tomorrow I start in on this strict chicken and vegetable thing.

I weigh almost 70 more than my target goal weight. I want to be back to 140-150. Its funny because you don't realize how much weight you've put on once you are already overweight. Then the fact that I got my gallbladder out and wasn't really counseled on how to eat so that I didn't get super fat. I gained 40 lbs just from that! It was a bad winter last year. This one I hope will be better, full of weightloss and happiness.

Doing Better...

I feel a little better tonight than I did last night. My father had a surgery this morning to help reduce the infection so they might be able to let him keep his leg!

My manager at work made me cry, but everything was fine because I got to talk to K for an hour and a half after work. (Brief history, K is a guy I work with that I would really like to be outside of work friends with, or more than that even. Though, I'm unsure if he is with this girl L, with whom I also work. She is really nice, but they are so ambiguious about things. Then R told me that he thinks she thinks its more than it is, but K just is in it for the sex. Then, A told me that L likes R. So, in short I feel like I am in high school again trapped in liking a guy I can't have.)

Tomorrow is my day off, too bad the gas light in my car is on again. Though I have to go to the OPA and file for foodstamps again because they don't understand that since I don't have a phone they can't reach me by phone! Why not by email or mail? Who knows. Then I have to go help my dad in the hospital with facebook stuff, and financial paperwork. Also, I was going to take my little boy to the park so he could play for a bit.

It seems that the more I try to uncomplicate my life, I just get more and more busy!

On the Verge of Tears...

My father is in the hospital, and at first I was glad because they were taking care of him, and I knew he wasn't drinking too much. Though, now they are talking about how they might have to amputate his leg. Which makes me extremely sad. He was always this strong tall man, and in the last five years I have learned that he isn't who I thought he was and that he is a really sensitive person. He doesn't show it, but I know he is.

I have to work today, yesterday was chaos and I left feeling like I needed to take a nap! Then I went straight to the hospital and from there I went home and did an hour of homework. I feel like I never have any time to just sit down and think. Though that's what happens when you're a single mother, going to school, working full time and are just a generally really family oriented person.

At least today is my "Friday" and I will have tomorrow to run errands and then Thursday to relax. I feel like I haven't seen my son much in the last few days and it breaks my heart every time I have to drop him off at daycare! Though, I have a lot of fun stuff planned for Thursday. We're going to go on a hike, and to the park I think.

I also started a new diet thing. Its the HCG one. I hope it works. I am so tired of being fat! I weigh the same now as I did the day I delivered my son! That is awful.

I hope that if I feel good about myself then I can start dating again. I know I don't have a lot of time for it, though sometimes I get really lonely. I just take it as, its just part of being a single parent.

I have another blog or two to update before I have to leave at ten, but I will update soon.

In Need of a Cigarette...

I created this as a way to remain anonymous and to express my thoughts to the public. With hopes of receiving feedback when applicable. This is my first post and will most likely be a long one.

I will fill you in on a little about me. I am a single mother, and I work in the fast food industry. I am also attending online college and trying to figure out who I am. I had my son when I was nineteen and have never been more happy in my whole life. He is my everything and for that I am lucky. Now at twenty-two, I feel like I need to get to know myself more before I try to find someone with whom to share my life. I understand that its an uphill battle when you're a single parent. Not a lot of guys want to be with someone who has a product of their past relationship around all the time. Though, that just makes it that much easier to weed out the bad ones.

Right now, I need a cigarette, but I put my little boy down for bed an hour and a half ago and I can't just leave him in the apartment to go to the gas station. So, I am going to have to wait until the morning. I guess it is a good time to write. That helps, when I have something to focus my hands on I don't really need one as bad.

I want to write for a living. I aspire to be a published author and in to edit manuscripts for up and coming authors. I have wanted to do something involving literature since I was a small child. I used to make my sister play school with me, and my dad would have to separate us when she would stop trying to learn. Ah, those were the days. Well, the way I was raised not so much. Though this blog is too new to get into all of that.

I must get back to reading my college text, but I will most likely update sometime soon.